You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love you. Go after that dick
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
