Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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