I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
