Moan for me like Helen Keller
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
