Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize