Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
