How'd it feel making her break her religion?
zippers are such a cool invention
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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