so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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