I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
