You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
