Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
