Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
