i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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