if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
