No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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