If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
