matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
