Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
