i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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