I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
