i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
