So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
