That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
