I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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