I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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