I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize