I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
