did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need water and some morals
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
