theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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