I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
