The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
