Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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