I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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