The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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