I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize