i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You ruined the universe
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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