yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
