508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
