so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
