I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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