i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
