and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
