You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
