Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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