Your dad touched me again.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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