your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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