I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
