I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
