Don't make out with my wife yet
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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