these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
