Welp...herpes.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
