I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
