Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
