I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
