I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
