Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
