I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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