the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
