For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
